My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
