My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
