Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
