I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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