By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
