It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
