Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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