discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just found puke in my bra..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
