literally had 100 drinks last night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
