i may or may not be watching the land before time
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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