a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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