i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize