im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
