Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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