How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize