tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
