we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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