Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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