i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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