if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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