Tell her she can't have a vagina
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
