rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
