Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Randomize