Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
