I think i peed on brittanys purse
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
