hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
