it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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