She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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