We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
