I wish I could teleport
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
