He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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