I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
