the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he shaved USA in his pubs
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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