omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
