just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
