At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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