I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
