I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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