Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
