i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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