I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
