weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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