i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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