cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
