i already hear my dad disowning me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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