If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
wow bdsm is so cute
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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