I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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