I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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