Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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