Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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