Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
