walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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