I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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