What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
