If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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