STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
