i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
