I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
