you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
