I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
