Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize