so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
