i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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