Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize