moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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