Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
