2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize