I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
