I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The Olympian is in my bed
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
