Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
