dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
