my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
