i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
