remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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