question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
