This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
