i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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