She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
