6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
