I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
