Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
