you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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