Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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