Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
