so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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