wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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